*This post was written to participate in the Wednesday blog event "Pour Your Heart Out" at thingsicantsay.com. Thank you for the opportunity Shel.
A month ago, just like we had done 3 years earlier, a Mom, Co-Mom, and Mother-In-Law supported a young woman as she gave birth. Same hospital, same 'Momma Birth Team,' same sweet doctor. It was an honor, the most intimate privilege to welcome our new baby into the family.
The doctor came highly recommended when my daughter was looking for a new OB-GYN. She researched him online, read the glowing reviews and felt secure in her decision. When he showed up to deliver Sweet Pea, I was shocked by how young he looked and we all joked about it then. The nurses seemed to really like him and to an OB nurse's child like myself, that holds a lot of weight.
At the most recent hospital stay, we mentioned again how young-looking and kind the doctor still was since the last time we saw him. The nurses told my daughter they used to call him Doogie Howser but Boy Wonder was his most recent nickname. When we heard the news about this doctor yesterday, the irony was ugly and sickening.
My daughter's doctor was arrested for and confessed to having sexual relations with underage boys. Explicit texts and videos sent to children, pornographic images of boys as young as 7 years old on several computers...the grotesque list of his confessions is heartbreaking.
Understandably my daughter is horrified by the news. The feelings of betrayal are overwhelming. We place a sacred human trust in doctors, especially those who deliver our babies. A month ago, we were face to face with a pedophile and didn't even know it.
What do we do with these feelings of disgust? Even though she's a 'grown up,' it hurts to see my baby recognize that there are real monsters among us. She's feeling the same fear that all mothers feel, when they dare imagine that harm could come to their children. It's traumatic to realize the harm isn't out there in the cruel world; her fear is SO close, TOO real.
So many questions, I seriously thought of writing him a letter today. I know it sounds stupid, but I guess what's more ridiculous is to expect that he would or even could answer my questions.
I don't know how to remember the joyous births of our grand babies without being reminded of who delivered them.
What about his current patients and his medical practice partners? How could nobody know what was in the heart and mind of someone that close to their lives?
What will happen to his victims and will their experience with him shape their future choices in horrible ways?
I don't have the answers for my daughter or myself. I'll concentrate on my gratitude that my grandchildren weren't among his victims and offer prayers to those directly involved in the situation. I'll hold onto the hope that justice will be done and continue to seek out the best in my fellow human beings.
I thank you for letting me pour my heart out.
Love each other,