Thursday, May 21, 2015

Writer's Workshop: Top 10 Timeout Chair Nominees

Happy almost Memorial Day Weekend! I've taken tomorrow off, so I'm delirious about having a four day weekend. Before I begin my mini-vacation, this post is inspired by Kat Bouska's Writer's Workshop prompts; let's talk about the "10 people, places or things that you'd like to give a timeout to."

Certain people, places, and things are so frustrating to me! Why do I care? Because I do. With this attitude, maybe I'm the one who needs a timeout chair. Here's the timeout chair I envision for such offenders, including myself.

"A Broken Chair" by Jinx!, Licensed Under Share Alike, Creative Commons
As a tribute to the last Late Night with David Letterman show I'll list my timeout chair recipients, from number 10 to number 1. (did you watch the show last night and what did you think about it?)

10.  May Weather In Oklahoma - Sometimes we have tornadoes. Other times we switch from the air conditioner to the heater and back again - in the same day. This year, we have unprecedented rainfall totals; delightful for the drought stricken areas of our state (Hallelujah!), dreadful for those of us who just need some dang sunshine (I'm gloomy.) 

FYI, the average May rainfall at the Oklahoma Mesonet station in Norman, Oklahoma is 4.10 inches; last year they only had 0.96 inches for the whole month. Look at this rainfall map; equally impressive and wacko and we still have 10 days left in May! Big thanks to Oklahoma Mesonet for allowing me to share this image and all the hard work they put into collecting this data. In August, when it's 100 degrees and all my grass has turned an ashy shade of gray, I'll miss this rain (I really am grateful for it) but for now, May weather - go sit in the timeout chair.

From the tip of the Panhandle to the southwestern-most cypress bayous - everybody got a good drink this May!

9.  Kanye West - On the latest awards show, your language was 'bleeped' so much, home viewers couldn't hear MOST of your song. For this and so many other reasons, go sit in the timeout chair and I'll let you know when you can get up, if ever.

8.  Texting While Driving - AT&T has been talking about this since 2010. Why are people still doing this? Your text can wait, don't be stupid. Don't Text While Driving, stop it!

7.  Miley Cyrus - Your voice is beautiful and talented, the way you act is neither. I'd like for you to go sit in the timeout chair until you're 40 years old and then be appropriately horrified by your most recent stunts.

6.  Kale - I know you're good for me but dude, you literally stink. Don't sit in the timeout chair (you'll just stink it up) just go away and send another vegetable to take your place on the menu. It's nothing personal.
"Kale-Bundle" by Evan-Amos - Licensed under CC0 via Wikimedia Commons

5. Ugly Old Lady Shoes -I'm 52 years old and I need 'good' shoes to take care of my aging feet. I want cute and stylish shoes but I can no longer wear the cheap shoes of my youth. My options seem trapped somewhere between Britney Spears and Betty White when I shop for shoes. Ugly Old Lady Shoes...go sit in the timeout chair until you get cuter and cheaper!

4.  Folks Who Don't Know How To Merge Onto A Highway - I'll need a driver's ed certificate before you can get out of the timeout chair.

3.  Overlings Who Are Deaf To Underlings - Sometimes underlings have great ideas; no one is so important that they can't entertain the opinions of those 'lesser' than them in some way. Go sit in the timeout chair until you get a clue about respect.

2.  Prejudice - By definition this is a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. Prejudice against another race, against law enforcement, against fat people, against old people, against young people, against those of another religion - all of you go sit in the timeout chair until you make amends and educate yourselves about each other. Now!

And the number 1 people, place or thing that needs to go to the timeout chair is...

1.  Action Movies Made Primarily With CGI - aliens, zombies, time travelers, blowing up the White House, earthquakes, tidal waves, Tom Cruise rescuing the planet with his bare hands - all of you go to the timeout chair! ONLY come back as movies that highlight the wonderful things about real-life humans and their connections to each other. I'd like a good story and a plot that allows me to enjoy my popcorn and white cherry icy drink.

Thanks for listening today. What items would make your Top 10 Timeout Chair List? Leave a comment below, I'd love to hear your nominees.

Also, please take a moment to click the Mama Kat's Writing Workshop badge on the right side of this page and discover some amazing bloggers.

Rose Marie B, Keeper of the Virtual Timeout Chair


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Writer's Workshop: Today I Will...

It's Thursday and in my blog world that means Writer's Workshop from Mama's Losin' It. Thanks for the inspiration Kat. I'm trying to re-establish a blogging schedule and these prompts help me SO much. This week I chose "Today I Will..." and here are my Top 5.

  • Today I will give myself permission to imagine possibilities and put away doubts. I need to find my shout again. 

  • Speaking of finding my shout, today I will learn how to embed the amazing clip from Super Soul Sunday, using the HTML tab. Hallelujah!

  • Today I'll let go of my work frustrations from the last 4 days. I was reminded that the sting of rejection and vulnerability is something you never outgrow. I've endured actual life problems...this little bullshit situation wasn't worth the tears I shed on Monday.

  •  Tonight I will text my sister "Have you made your list yet?" We always write a packing list for any trip; this time it's visiting my Mom for the weekend. Every little detail, down to the number of underwears, crossed off as we shove everything into our overnight bags. (I love the word underwears.)

  • Today I will say prayers for my gifts, for my wildest dreams, and for my friends who could use a few more whispers to the Universe on their behalf.

Today I'm grateful for the chance to express my feelings about my Oklahoma Lifescape.